Happy Father’s Day—Lessons from a Dad of Four
Raising future adults, surviving babyhood and learning why girls play Uno differently than boys.
Here on The Tolton Path, I usually write science fiction about technology, AI and their impact on culture and faith. This week, I’m tackling a far more complicated subject: fatherhood. As a father of four, I’d like to offer some hard-earned wisdom to dads and soon-to-be dads everywhere.
The Mission You Must Accept
The responsibility of being in charge of another human can be daunting. Thank goodness dads don’t think about such things until after our first child. But when we do (and eventually we do—hang in there, ladies), your world changes. Suddenly, you realize that you are forming not only a human being, but a person who will help shape our society.
We have some work to do! Congratulations, you are finally a dad.
No more carefree hours of video games, endless hours hanging out with friends or watching sports all day. You succumb to your old, childless ways from time to time—but it isn’t the same. Your daddy senses keep tingling. There is no going back.
Forward!
Along with millions of other dads, you are now training future adults. People who may one day run Earth, the moon or another planet. People who may even be in charge of you.
No pressure.
Though mothers are just as important, today is for the dads on their unexpected journey. Here are my insights for my fellow dads (oorah!):
First-time dads—you’re just a utility man
It’s not our fault, but dads have no idea what is about to happen. While we have been carrying on with our childless ways, moms have been carrying a human. She’s been stroking her belly, talking with the baby, thinking about, oh I don’t know, what to do for the baby! Dads build the crib, buy the right mattress and install the car seat base (good luck!). First-time moms are learning too, but it doesn’t matter. To put it simply: moms are in charge. Wherever she wants you to go—go. Whatever she wants you to do—do. This is the mission you must accept. You aren’t Ethan Hunt, even if you think you look like him.
The mom is a Trojan horse (but it’s okay!)
After nine emotional months (the last one is so fun!), baby is finally here. Congratulations, you have a dictator! Not just any dictator but one that doesn’t dictate with words but with signs. To make things even more fun, the meaning of a sign changes depending on the situation. A baby cry can mean (1) feed me, (2) change me, (3) burp me, (4) pick me up, (5) put me down, (6) something woke me up, (7) I’m cold, (8) I’m hot, (9) leave me alone, (10) let’s talk, (11) binky, (12) no binky, and (13) just figure it out.
The above list is not exhaustive.
Pro-tip: poop in the bath means bath time has ended.
Bonus-tip: clean the bath. (Yes, use a washcloth and soap. Just pause the World Cup.)
For the dad with more than one child
You have another baby! Congratulations! You still know nothing. Just for the fun of it, each baby is different. Sometimes extremely different. Do you think you actually did something that caused your first baby to sleep through the night in the first week? Try it on baby number two and see what happens. I dare you.
Nursing
Stay out of it. Remember, utility man. (And no, you can’t lactate. You’re welcome.)
The Good News: It Gets Even Better
Dads, there are many fun times ahead! Once you’ve activated dad mode, you’ll realize the more kids the better. You can’t go back, so just go forward. And just like when they were babies, when they become little people, they each have their own personality. So, while what you say or do may make one child laugh, it may make another cry. They are complicated, just like adults. But it has been a joy to watch my kids interact with one another despite their differing personalities. They are learning how to disagree—sort of. (It’s a work in progress.)
As a dad of both boys and girls, I’d like to share one insight that is of utmost importance. It can save your life. This insight is brought to you by the game of Uno.
Gender insight, brought to you by the game of Uno:
Boys win to conquer. They will launch every draw card to try to annihilate you as soon as possible.
Girls don’t just win—they win to watch you suffer. If you play the Skip card on them just once, they will hold every draw card until the flow reverses in your direction, even if that means they end up with the entire deck in their hands. With each card they draw, they are smiling inside, visualizing the moment they strike you down with fourteen Draw Twos and six Draw Fours in a row.
Most importantly, take this as a parable. So I’m not just talking about children or Uno. Dads, you won’t ever look at your wife the same. It will be okay.
Final Insight
No matter how much technology changes our world, dads still play an important part in raising children. Dads teach more through their actions than through their words, and the kids are watching. But this final insight is for moms. Father’s Day can’t compete with Mother’s Day. Nor should it. You’ve got enough going on. Just let us turn on the grill and feed our family. Simple.
Happy Father’s Day! Especially to my dad, who taught me far more than he probably realizes.
Peace.
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P.S. The New Earth science fiction series continues next week. All the previous entries of the series are located here. Paying subscribers can read the full arc on one page here.